


Yuri - Cuts

by Winterose



Series: Route [2]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Cuts, F/M, Other, Poetry, Route, Yuri route, alternative ending, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 10:49:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16366439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterose/pseuds/Winterose
Summary: "I met this girl at the Literature Club, her name is Yuri. She's polite but can get quite intensive about certain topics, which makes her really an interesting person. I hope to get to know her better."The story starts by following the plot of the original story in the game, but will take a different turn and continue further in its own course.





	Yuri - Cuts

**Author's Note:**

> Warning! 
> 
> Since the game this fic is based on is not suitable for children or those easily disturbed, this fic either is not recommended for those who cannot play the game. It follows the themes of the game and may also include spoilers.

Yuri sighs and gathers together the origami papers we’ve been writing words on. 

“We’ve been working hard”, she says and looks at me, smiling a little bit. “It’s getting late. Can you bring all the decorations on your own tomorrow?”

“Sure I can”, I answer and look at the decorations’ pile on my desk. “It’s not that much to carry, after all.”

Yuri puts her knife back to her bag and stands up. It’s a beautiful knife, and sharp as I noticed. I’m still a bit embarrassed about licking Yuri’s finger when she had licked the blood off the cut on my finger, but it made the atmosphere a lot more relaxed, so I think it’s okay.

I walk Yuri out and stop in front of my house. We stand there talking, when suddenly Yuri steps a bit closer. I can feel my heartbeat through my whole body.  _ What is this? _ I wonder, but before anything else happens, Yuri suddenly steps back and looks embarrassed.

“Ah- Sayori”, she shouts and hides her face. “Ah, I… I should go.”

Yuri escapes the situation and leaves me with Sayori, who clearly is upset by something. And she cries. I haven’t seen her cry like that in a long time. I take my time trying to convince her that I will help her make the pain go away. I want to see her smile every single day like she has always smiled at me.

“Sayori… you’re my dearest friend”, I tell her. In the end I’m not sure if it made her feel better or worse. It’s hard to tell, when she keeps repeating how it hurts and she doesn’t understand why she feels so bad. I mean, how could I understand Sayori, if she doesn’t even understand herself?

~*~

Sayori didn’t wake up early again this morning. I walk to school alone, carrying all the decorations. I  _ did _ tell Yuri that I can carry the decorations on my own, but it’s harder than I expected. When I get to the club room, I sigh in relief and lay the decorations down on a desk. Monika is the only one there before me, and she greets me with a smile.

“Oh, you didn’t come with Sayori this morning. How is she hanging?” Monika asks when she notices that I’m alone. I shrug and immediately regret not waking Sayori up this morning. She has just told me, how hard it is to get up from the bed sometimes and I know that she loves the school festivals. I decide to run back to get her. 

Sayori doesn’t pick up her phone or open the front door, so I decide to just walk in. I feel slightly embarrassed for walking in to wake her up in her own room, but I don’t really have a choice. I can’t just wait for a better day, because I promised to be there for her. If it means waking her up like this, so shall it be. I gently open the door.

_ Hanging. _ Sayori’s hanging from the ceiling. I feel like losing my mind. I fall on my knees and stare at her lifeless body, tears filling my eyes.  _ Why? _ I ask.  _ Why did she do this? I promised to be there for her. Why would she kill herself now? Why like this? Why couldn’t I do more to help her? _

I skip the school festival.  _ Screw this. Screw the festival. I just lost my best friend _ , I think. I just can’t go back to school and pretend that everything’s alright, when Sayori’s gone. Monika messages me later to ask if I’m doing ok. I answer her shortly, just to make sure she won’t get any stupid ideas like coming to see me at my house. I don’t want Monika there. I don’t want anyone there. Not today at least. 

~*~

Sayori’s funeral is held in a traditional way and her remainings are put to her family grave. I visit the grave shortly after the funeral. It’s a cloudy day, but it’s not raining.  _ As if the sky refuses to cry for Sayori. The gods won’t cry for suicides. _

“I’m sorry, Sayori”, I whisper. It feels better saying it out loud, even though I’m alone at the graveyard. Or so I thought. Suddenly I feel someone stand right next to me and gently take my hand to their own.

I startle and turn my head. Yuri startles as well and panics.

“Ah- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, ah-” she hides her face behind her hands. “I should have warned that I’m here. I’m sorry!”

I blow the air out of my lungs.

“It’s okay, Yuri. I didn’t expect you to be here, that’s all”, I say and give her a smile. Yuri looks at me, embarrassed about scaring me, but calms down a little.

“Do… you want to be alone, or may I join you?” Yuri asks quietly. 

I don’t know what to say. I came here alone, but I don’t want to drive Yuri away either.

“However you like”, I finally answer. “I don’t mind company.”

Yuri lowers her hands and steps closer. She looks at the grave and smiles sadly.

“Thank you”, she says to me. “I’m sorry for your loss. Sayori was very dear to you.”

I nod.

“She was my best friend. Has always been, ever since we were kids”, I tell. “It makes me sad that she never told me about her depression, not until it was already too late. I could’ve helped her.”

Yuri gently takes my hand.

“Don’t blame yourself”, she sounds different than usually. More confident and really serious. “It was a bad choice she made, but the decision was Sayori’s own. There’s nothing you could’ve done.”

I look at Yuri and our eyes meet. I blink a couple of times and nod.

“I know”, I say. “Thank you, though.”

Yuri stares confused at me.

“Thank you for what? I-- I didn’t do anything?”

“You came here”, I smile. “You told me it’s not my fault. It shows that you care about me. Thank you.”

Yuri blushes and takes a step back.

“Ah, I- well… maybe I….” she has a hard time trying to say something. I turn towards her.

“Do you want to say something to Sayori, or should we leave?” I suggest. Yuri stares at me and her face melts into a smile.

“We should go”, she answers. “I can come by some other day as well. The dead won’t run away from us.”

I smile and take Yuri’s hand. It makes her blush again and look the other way, but Yuri won’t pull her hand away. We walk hand in hand down to the bus stop and take a bus to Yuri’s place. She invited me on our way back, and I have no reason to refuse.

Yuri’s room is clean and in order. I look around while Yuri makes us some tea. She has the water kettle in her room, as well as some beautifully painted tea cups and a dozen of different tea types. She has a bookshelf filled with books, and many of them I recognize to be horror stories. On one wall I can see her collection of knives. It’s an interesting collection. The knives are pretty, some of them are big and some of them are small. I look at the knives really carefully.  _ Amazing. _

“Ah, you found my collection”, Yuri blushes when she notices. “I’m sorry. If they make you uncomfortable, we can go to the living room. My parents are not home at the moment, so..”

“No, I’m good”, I wave my hand and smile. “Actually I think they are pretty cool. How long have you been collecting them?”

“Mmh, probably since I was in elementary school”, Yuri answers. 

“Whoa, did your parents let you have a knife at such a young age?” I’m impressed. Yuri nods.

“Knives are only dangerous if you don’t know how to handle them properly”, Yuri explains. “When you know the risks and are not afraid of them, you are the master and not the knife. Knife, like other weapons, are not the danger; the user is.”

I stare at Yuri. She’s so serious when she talks about knives like that. When our eyes meet, I expect her to blush and turn away, but instead she smiles.

“My parents taught me to use knives when I was little”, she continues and pours us some tea. “It’s like growing up with them. You get used to using a knife and then it’s just as normal as using scissors.”

“That’s an.. interesting point of view”, I admit. “I never thought that way.”

Yuri handles me a tea cup.

“It’s not a common way to think”, she agrees and sits on her bed. “The knives are seen as dangerous objects, but they are not dangerous, if you handle them with care.”

I sit next to Yuri and sip my tea. It’s sweet but fruity. I have no idea what tea it is, but I like it. It feels like the taste is playing with my tongue and when I swallow, the warmth fills my chest on its way to my stomach. I’m not sure if I’ve ever appreciated tea this much.

We finish our teas while chatting on various subjects: tea, knives, books and painting, for example. I get up and start to leave.

“It’s getting late”, I say and smile. “Thank you for tea - and company. We should meet more often like this.”

Yuri blushes and nods.

“Ah, yes, we should”, she smiles shyly. “Maybe next weekend? You could come over again. I have another tea I’d like to let… you.. taste..” 

I smile and pat Yuri’s bangs.

“Sure”, I smile. “You make good tea. It’s great, how passionate you are about things you like.”

Yuri looks at me and blushes.

“Ah, yes, I guess I am”, she laughs. “Sometimes people say it’s scary, how intensive I can be. Haha, I guess it’s true, though.”

I can’t deny that. When Yuri gets to talk about things she likes, she gets that almost furious look in her eyes and she looks straight at the person she’s talking to. It may make some people feel slightly afraid, to be honest. On the opposite end, when she’s not speaking of her interests, Yuri is very polite and shy, which is a funny contrast.

~*~

Yuri sits closer to me at the literature club than before. She pays more attention to my doings, and asks me to read with her more often. And so we read together. The book Yuri made me read starts to get very interesting. I’m a slow reader compared to Yuri, and it makes me nervous. I always think that she will get frustrated by my slowness, but she shows some real patience with my reading. Maybe she likes it, when we sit there reading together, sometimes drinking tea and sometimes just reading.

When the week comes to an end, I visit Yuri again as promised. On saturday I go to her place, bringing a couple of horror manga books with me. I know Yuri reads more real books, but maybe she’ll get interested in these ones, too. 

_ You never should say no until you’ve tried it at least once _ , I think and ring the doorbell. Yuri hurries to let me in. There’s no one else home again, but we still go straight to Yuri’s room and close the door. Yuri has already gotten some water and cookies ready, and she turns the electric kettle on as we enter the room. She starts preparing the tea and I follow her movements sitting on the edge of her bed. Yuri notices I’m watching her and blushes lightly.

“Ah, it will take some time for the tea to get ready”, she murmurs. “I’m sorry.”

I smile.

“It’s not your fault the tea takes its time”, I state. “Besides, everything good is worth the wait.”

Yuri looks at me and smiles.

“I’m glad you like my tea”, she says and sits next to me. “I saw you brought something with you. Are they books?”

“Manga, actually”, I suddenly feel a bit embarrassed. “I thought you would like them. They are horror stories.”  _ She probably won’t like them. Maybe she won’t say that, though, since she’s always so polite. _

“Let me see”, Yuri takes one of my manga books and reads the back of it. We sit in silence for quite a long time, and I’m starting to feel awkward.

“Oh”, Yuri suddenly gasps. “I’m sorry, I lost my track of thought. This sounds really an interesting story.”

Yuri takes another manga book and reads the back of it, too.

“Are these all one-shot mangas?” she asks.

“Those two are, yes”, I grab the rest of my manga books and show them to Yuri. “These two complete a two-shot series and this one’s the first book to another series.”

Yuri takes the manga books from my hands and reads all the synopsis’ from the backs.

“I definitely want to read these today”, Yuri nods and smiles. “I’m glad you brought these with you. It’s refreshing to share books with someone.”

I smile.

“Yeah, it is”, I agree. Yuri stands up to check on the tea.

“It should be ready”, Yuri says and pours tea to two of her beautiful tea cups. “This one needs some honey in it. Just a little bit.”

I pay attention on Yuri’s preparations. She’s really pretty, when she focuses on something. Right now it’s making tea, but usually I see that same face when she reads something.  _ It is said, that people are most beautiful when they are asleep. If so, then focused face comes second _ , I think and smile. Yuri notices my smile.

“Eh, what?” she asks confused. I shake my head.

“Nothing really”, I answer, still smiling. “You are just really pretty today.”

Yuri blushes harder than before.

“Ah, really?” she laughs. “Uh-huh, thank you. You are so kind.”

Yuri waves her hands in front of her face like using them as fans. I realize how warm it is, and Yuri seems to be wearing a long-sleeved shirt once again.

“It’s really hot in here”, I point out. “Maybe you should change into something short-sleeved? I can wait outside the door.”

“Ah, no, that wouldn’t do”, Yuri suddenly panics. “No, I, ah-”

I stand up and walk to Yuri.

“At least roll up your sleeves, then”, I gently take Yuri’s hand and start rolling the sleeve up. Yuri tries to pull her hand off, but I hold on tight enough to prevent her from doing that. Yuri looks really anxious and her eyes dart between her arm and my face.

When I manage to roll the sleeve up, I understand why Yuri is so ashamed of her arms. Her wrist and the arm up to her elbow is filled with cuts, some of them fresh and some of them older scars already.

I stare at Yuri’s hand. I can feel her shiver. I raise my eyes to look up at her face. Yuri looks at me, clearly embarrassed and afraid of my reaction. I don’t let go of her hand. Instead I hold on tighter.

“Why?” I simply ask. Yuri bites her lower lip and turns her eyes away.

“It feels good”, she whispers. “I’ve been doing this… for many, many years. Because it feels good. It’s exciting, to know I’m playing with life and death. One cut too deep.. one cut in a wrong place.. and it could be the end. The danger in it.. it’s… I…”

I take Yuri’s face in my palms and half force her to look at me.

“Yuri”, I say slowly. “If there’s anything I could do to make you stop this, please let me. I don’t want to see another person close to me fall because I don’t know what to do.”

Tears fill Yuri’s eyes.

“Ah- I don’t know”, Yuri mumbles. “I… I can’t ask that of you. I don’t know. With you, I get excited, too. I need to let it out. It feels so good to just speak with you, just to have you close, it makes me tremble. I need to get it out.”

“Shh”, I put a finger on Yuri’s lips. She just shakes her head.

“Don’t you understand?” she nearly cries. “I love you. I’m  _ madly _ in love with you. But I will never get what I want. Ah- I need to… let it out…”

Yuri reaches for a knife on her desk. I grab her wrist and reach forward to kiss her. Yuri’s lips are soft, her breathing is fast and I can feel how her whole body is trembling. She doesn’t back away, so I move my hands to her shoulders to have a better hold of her. When the kiss ends, Yuri is catching her breath.

“You.. haha, you… just…” she laughs and tries to get words out of her mouth. “Haha, ah… I’m so happy… I’m so happy, I could die right now…”

Yuri is still reaching towards the knife. I grab her shoulders and push her on the bed.

“Ah-- what are you..?” Yuri looks at me, her eyes filled with panic, but something else as well. I climb on the bed as well.

“Whatever it takes, I won’t let you cut yourself again”, I say. I try to make my voice even and serious, but my own heart is racing as well. Yuri looks up at me and laughs hysterically.

“Haha, ahaha, haha”, she laughs. “Ah, I really… I really love you. Oh, wow, this adrenaline feels so good, whoa.”

I smirk and lean forward to kiss Yuri again. It takes a really long time for Yuri to calm down again, and when she does, she just lays on her bed, looking tiredly at me.

“I think our tea is already cold”, she whispers and smiles. “What a shame. That tea is best served warm… with a hint of honey in it, and a cookie by its side.”

I gently pet Yuri’s hair and smile.

“Let’s prepare another kettleful of tea”, I suggest. “We could also put that one into the fridge and make iced tea of it. We could drink that tomorrow, while we read.”

Yuri looks confused, but happy.

“Yes, we could”, she says and closes her eyes. I smile at her delicate figure and keep petting her hair. Her expression is calm and she breathes normally again. Like this, she looks really pretty again.

I feel lucky. Being with Yuri makes me feel happy. Even if she just turned out to be maniac with her knives, I believe this day starts a new chapter in my life.

A new chapter with Yuri in a lead role.

  
  


_ Raindrops on a portrait,  
_ _ a vivid dream of melancholy in time  
_ _ A captive in a cage,  
_ _ uncontrollable, unending desire _ _   
_ _ Eternity of the universe,  
_ __ journey through the graveyard of lust

_ Only one question,  
_ _ analysis of sensation,  
_ _ A disoriented philosophy  
_ _ within your unstable destiny  
_ _ Breathe in the crimson essence,  
_ __ call out the  judgement

_ Do you despise existence  
_ _                          or extreme inferno? _


End file.
